I know I have been awfully quiet lately, and I apologize. The truth is I really haven’t been in the best place lately. I let worry that have consumed me over the last couple of months push me into a bad place. Back in June when we found out about Ben’s cancer, I knew immediately everything would change for us, but I had no idea how.
The last 10 weeks have been hard for me. I’m a worrier by nature, so of course I have been worried to death about my little family. I worry about Ben’s next CT scan finding a new tumor. I worry about my girls and if they will have to grow up without their dad. These days I mostly worry about our financial situation since Ben’s post surgery fatigue has prevented him from returning to work full time.
I have really let all of it get me down.
But, I woke up this morning to my wonderful husband smiling at me as he wished me a Happy Anniversary. 13 years ago today I stood beside him, 21 years old without a care in the world, and I promised to love that man until death do we part. My love for him has grown exponentially over the last 13 years, and as I looked into his eyes this morning one thought crossed my mind.
What if this is our last anniversary together?
I had promised myself I wouldn’t let all my worries get in the way of celebrating our special day. I saw him smiling at me, and I heard a voice inside my head reminding me none of us know what tomorrow will bring. Enjoy the blessings we have today.
I have spent more time with my husband over the last 10 weeks than I have in a year. We reconnected when our marriage really needed it the most. We have strengthened our bond. We pick our daughter up from school together, and I see the joy in his eyes getting to partake in these moments of her life that were only known to him through dinner table conversation. I watch him light up as our 3 year old stumbles out of bed and into her daddy’s arms every morning.
Ben’s inability to return to long strenuous hours in the Summer heat means he has had more time to concentrate on our custom woodworking and home decor business, something we can do together from home. By the grace of God we have managed to keep the bills paid and food on the table while watching our home business begin to grow.
The one thing I noticed that has been missing over the last 10 weeks?
Ben feels like cancer has been a blessing for him. He says it was a warning bell to enjoy a simpler life, one that revolves around home, not a 2 hour commute each day. I have watched my constantly stressed and many times angry husband turn into someone who is genuinely happy!
So I have to ask myself, why have I let worry consume me so much lately? It’s now my turn to look around me and see the blessings that have come from something so horrible. We have simplified our life, we’re spending our days together, and we’re happy. What more could I ask for? I have to stop letting the “what if’s” of the future consume me and enjoy today.
I leave you today with the verse I printed this morning and hung on the fridge as a daily reminder to stop worrying about tomorrow.
Matthew 6:34 –
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
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