I recently had to renew my driver’s license and I feel betrayed. Not by the state of of Florida or Homeland Security, but by my own parents.
At the age of 48, I learned that I do not have a middle name. That’s right, I said it – no legal middle name. When I presented my birth certificate at the county office, the kind woman behind the counter told me that she couldn’t put my middle name on my driver’s license. I asked her why in a panic. She said there was no middle name my birth certificate. All I could say was that I was betrayed. She cocked her head to one side and quietly asked me to repeat myself.
I realized I was dealing with bureaucracy here and not my therapist. Afraid of being arrested or Baker Acted, I kept quiet and watched as my new driver’s license was printed minus my middle name, but I did ask my mother to come up to the counter.
This is a bit of our conversation as the kind woman listened in:
Me: Mom, why is my middle name not on my birth certificate?
Mom: It is.
Me: No, it’s not.
Mom: Oh you got your middle name when you were christened. Did you know I wasn’t allowed to go to your baptism? I got all dressed to go, but your father said that the mother stays home. I was..
Me: (interrupting) Mom, don’t you mean confirmation? I got a name at confirmation, not when I was christened.
Mom: You got names at both. I don’t know about your birth certificate. I wasn’t there.
Me: You weren’t there when I was born?
Mom: Now you’re confusing me. Let me see that birth certificate!
The woman hands it to my mother…
Mom: Well, what do you know! Your middle name isn’t on there. I wonder how that happened?
I gave up, got my new driver’s license and we left the office. I had such an odd feeling though. I’ve seen that birth certificate so many times for 48 years – the one I’ve used for my Social Security card, my wedding license, my passport. And I never realized that name was missing.
I’m not sure why I feel betrayed, but it had to do with thinking a part that belonged to me is gone. It was a thought in someone’s mind, but isn’t on the most important paper it should be.
Has anything like this happened to you? Have you been surprised by something from your past that made you feel betrayed?
Nothing like this has ever happened to me, but the exchange between you and your mom at the counter was priceless!!! As our parents age, conversations like those become very common and it’s refreshing to hear that they gone on in other people’s lives!!
Maria, these types of conversations between me and my mother go on every day! I can’t help but love her to pieces!
Ben doesn’t have a middle name, and it has given him problems through the years. There have been times when he didn’t have to present his birth certificate until he told the person he didn’t have a middle name. Then it became a big deal and he needed to show them a copy to prove he could leave that field blank. When he graduated high school instead of putting his name on the diploma case w/o a middle name they actually typed out “NMN” for “No Middle Name” in place of it!
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I guess it’s more common to have a middle name now than in the past, Jenn. My mother, aunts and uncles don’t have middle names and it’s never been a problem for them. Poor Ben NMA ….
Wow, this makes me want to go double check my birth certificate. That is crazy that you wouldn’t have noticed that before. I don’t like my middle name but it would still be weird to find out that my name wasn’t really my name.
I swear I looked at my birth certificate a dozen times, Emily. It was such a shock!
My cousin was named after her mother at birth. But my cousin hated her mother’s first name so much that she never used it and went by her middle name instead. She got through high school, college, grad school and job applications fine. One day at work, it was decided that she needed to go out of the country. She tried to get a passport and could not. No amount of explaining why she didn’t use her first name worked. She never got her passport. She tried for months and finally gave up!!!!
Carol Wong
Carol, I’m wondering now if I go to reapply for my passport what will happen to me as well. In a way it’s good that these things are being caught, but what a pain for those of us that are just mistakes with nothing to hide.
OMG! I had something similar happen to me. In college when I went to give them my birth certificate for my diploma printing I realized I had no middle name. I had been using one forever and even have it printed on my high school diploma. My mom says she doesn’t remember why I don’t have one, she also says she doesn’t remember telling me I had one! My husband still makes fun of me for it!
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Milena, my husband is having a lot of fun over this. Glad to know it’s not only me though.
My mother’s name was Paulette (or so she thought). All her life, marriage, driver’s license, everything was Paulette ReJeanne. The first time she got a Passport int he 90′s (she was in her 60′s) she had to get her birth certificate, no where on that birth certificate was the name Paulette, her LEGAL name was Marie ReJeanne. Turns out the same thing happened to all her sisters as well, everyone was Marie and the boys were Joseph (Catholic much?).
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Wow Adrienne, I think your story beat mine by a mile!
Oh Connie, I’m sorry this happened to you, it’s got to be so strange! The only thing I can relate it to is having such a weird name like mine. My parents always told me “there’s an accent over your e so it’s Taysa, not Tesa.” But I recently questioned my mom about how they possibly put an accent over my e on my birth certificate way back then. I’m afraid to look but I think my name on my birth certificate either doesn’t have the accent or it’s actually an apostrophe which would make my name Te’sa. And how do you pronounce that?!… I think you just gave me an idea for a blog post!
Hope the missing middle name doesn’t bother you too much or that you can get it fixed somehow. Hugs.
Tesa, I’ll let it go. It’s not worth the time or effort to change my name now. That’s funny about your name. My real name is hard to pronounce too and I was teased about it a lot as a child. That’s why I go with Connie, much easier. Tell me when you look at your birth certificate!
Wow, that is strange….
Elizabeth, my whole life is pretty strange!
It really must be a very disturbing situation. Not to mention the fact that your mother was not able to attend your baptism.
Usually the birth certificate is done upon the registration of the child. Probably your father went alone and didn’t give your middle name or it was a mistake done during registry that no one detected.
I personally have two many middle names. My father insisted that I had both my grandparents names, plus my mother and my father’s surname so it’s quite a big name that upsets me especially when I have to sign official documents.
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Laura, the birth certificate is done at the hospital here. My father did things “the old way” – the way his parents did in Italy, so we assume that’s why my mother wasn’t at the my christening. 2 middle names? That wold be difficult!
Wow! What a strange feeling that must be. I would feel the same way Connie!
Ha ha! This made me laugh… LOVE the conversation with your mom!
When my Granny was dying in the hospital, all of us grandkids decided to put together a scrapbook while we waited. (I know that sounds AWFUL, but it’s all we could do. We were there, together, for Granny. But we couldn’t DO anything. You know?) So, we made a scrapbook.
As I showed my mom a page about Granny’s wedding (to my grandfather), she pointed a one photo and said, “Oh, that’s from her OTHER wedding.” Her other WHAT???
Until then, I’d had no idea Granny had been married before! That was a shocking revelation if ever I’ve heard one!
Although finding out my middle name wasn’t official would be shocking, too! And…did I miss it? Why wasn’t your mom allowed to go to your christening???
Ack! How awful to find out as a grown woman. My husband has no middle name, but took one when he was confirmed in the Catholic church. My mom has no middle name and never did.
I gave my daughters each 2 middle names, just for good measure.
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