Medical Mysteries

What do I start with? My visit to my Neurologist first? The call I got from my Gastro doctor with test results that should have taken four days to get that only took one day? My mini-breakdown? How about I give all of it to you at once so you possibly feel a bit of what I felt today?

My Neurologist who knows me for about five years now knew right away that something was wrong. He is very concerned about the low Potassium level because when you have Myasthenia Gravis, you need to have an above average level to keep the symptoms of MG at bay. When he heard that my last Pulmonary Function Test was worse than the last years and I was told to not return for another one for two years instead of being evaluated again in at least six months, he was angry.

I am to call him two weeks after I start the new form of Potassium that my Gastro doctor ordered, if my level is at least 4.0 and I’m still having symptoms. He requested the results of my PFT to take a look at them. He’s also going to be in touch with my primary doctor. That visit shook me and Hubby up pretty badly because I’ve been doing so well for a while now.

When we arrive home, I get a phone call from my Gastro doctor’s office telling me that the CT scan result were in. I knew right then that there was a problem. First I was told that there was a cyst on my ovary and a fibroid tumor. I know that these are pretty common. I go for my Pap test next Friday so those records were sent to my PCP. Next comes the scary part. I was then told I have to have another test done, something called a small bowel series. When I asked why, the nurse said that was all she was told. I know my Gastro doctor and he tells me everything. I asked what this test was and was given an evasive answer that it was a type of an ultrasound.

I called the hospital to get more details. The person who answered said that she wasn’t sure of what it was because they hardly do them. But I had to fast from midnight the night before. (I already knew that.) When I asked if I had to drink anything, she told me to hold on. I heard her asking someone and then she said that I might have to drink some Barium. You know I’ll be researching this.

After the phone call I just cried. I feel so overwhelmed. I’m even leaving out some of what happened just today. I’m sick of dealing with doctors, labs, hospitals. I’m sick of not knowing what’s wrong with me. I’m sick of taking medicine. I’m sick of being sick. This whole thing is a job in itself, juggling appointments, being sure I have my medicine, calling doctors offices, dealing with insurance companies, etc…….I’m at the breaking point.

I know there are so many people worse off than me. I get that. I know I can pray and leave all of my worries and anger with God. I know that worrying isn’t going to make it better. I know, I know, I know. But damn it. I just want to live a life where I can be a wife, mom, daughter, witness of God’s love. I want to eat and drink what want. I don’t want to fill up medicine containers, worry if my refills are ready on time………………….

Selfish, right? I am now. And you know what? I’m not even sorry.

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Connie Roberts

Professional Blogger
Living in the Tampa Bay area, I'm lucky enough to see beautiful sunsets almost every day. Although life can be difficult at times, focusing on the positive and being with my family is what gets me through.

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Comments

  1. In the name of Jesus, be healed.

    ((((connie)))))

    Rebeccas last blog post..Dress Like Chuck Norris

  2. Connie – first off I’m sending you a big hug because I think you deserve one after having had to go through all this and for the other tests that lie ahead of you. Secondly, I think you have every right to be selfish right now. These tests are about YOU and not someone else. Sure, other people are worse off but right now this is happening to YOU and that’s what matters. You’re allowed to be scared and angry and nervous and stressed and sad and everything that you’re feeling. And the best thing is, God understands. He made us in His image so I’ve got to think that all of these feelings that we have are ones that He has, too. Otherwise where did they come from? He understands them because He created them and He isn’t going to love you any less because you’re feeling them right now.

    I so hope that these tests aren’t something absolutely horrible and that the doctor is just being evasive so as not to cause you more worry but I would think that doctors would know at this point that it’s better to know than not to know. When do you have your next gastro test? Let me know so that I can be sure to be sending good thoughts and prayers your way on that day that everything is okay.

    Hang in there, kiddo, and be angry or sad – whichever you choose! I’m not going to think less of you because of it, you’re human and that’s what humans do – they react.

    Lindas last blog post..Weighty Wonderings

  3. @ Rebecca TY for the prayers and hugs. I need them.

    @ Linda You are so awesome! TY for caring and putting things in perspective for me. My test is on May 28 at 9AM. I appreciate your concern and support.

    Connies last blog post..Sadness for Steven Curtis Chapman

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