Continuing from yesterday’s post on finding my passion after being diagnosed with a chronic illness, I thought a lot last night about my faith. The sermon today was about Jesus’ parable about the wedding feast in Matthew 22:1-14. This was such a God-incidence!
I’ve been a Christian my whole life but had times of doubt and anger where I either totally turned away from Jesus or just went through the motions. One of the most difficult times in my life were when my father died and when sister who was only 33 died. The good thing is that I always heard God calling me, felt His presence and easily was able to regain my relationship with my Lord and Savior.
When I was diagnosed this was a different matter all together. Now I had some really tough battles and felt I was completely losing my faith. All I kept asking was, “Why?” And the tough thing is that had nothing to do with me. It was about my children. Knowing I possibly would be bedridden and unable to care for them got me. Lady Ali was pretty much grown by that time, but still I wanted to be there for her graduation and all of her life events. I wanted to be able to be there mentally (so much of my time was spent sleeping and under pain meds that I was useless to listen or give advice). Peanut was so small and just starting school. How could I be a “real” mother to her?
My turning point came when I was in so much pain that all I could do was cry and moan. While I was doing that I began to think of Jesus. I thought about his suffering. So those tears and groans went to Jesus. There were no words. I felt such a calmness, such a peace overcome me.
I called my Pastor and told him about my experience. He reminded me that I was indeed praying and that I was heard! AMEN….
I’ve been invited and I am called not only back to my faith but to many other adventures in my life.
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